Posts
I've been really busy with family in town and with projects that I haven't had a lot of time to blog, but I have something so cool to share that I just had to make an announcement today.
I'm starting a new challenge blog! It will be a technique blog filled with tutorials, beautiful mixed-media and scrapbook art and tons of inspo. I'm really super-excited. You'll just die when you find out who my partners-in-crime are. They are some majorly talented women. I'm thrilled to be working with them!
I'll keep you posted!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Spring Robin
Here's my second entry for the Spring Green contest at SIStv. I love how it turned out.
The background chipboard is the front of a Ritz cracker box that I cut up. I put a piece of Bazzil black cardstock on the back just to frame it more.
Journaling: The first robin announces SPRING. Oh what a joyous time! Walking barefoot on the dewy grass, the smell of flowers.
I used MM paint, old dictionary page, gesso, Daisy D's paper, Bazzil cardstock, Distress ink, StazOn ink, BG stamps, AC pen, Scenic Route chipboard as a mask for my robin, Golden Pumice gel for the robin's texture. I also used colored pencils.
Here's a close-up of my flowers. I won't tell you how I did them here. I'm saving that cool technique for something amazing coming up in the very near future. (rubbing hands together...)
I used Golden Pumice Gel to do the bird because I wanted her to have some texture. Then after it had dried overnight, I painted her: first with gesso, then with off-white, then red (for the breast) then with light brown, then with a darker brown. I wanted her to look like a real bird with bits of colors peeking out. I'm not sure if I was totally successful, but this is the first time I've ever painted a bird.
Don't look too close at the dictionary page that I used on this project. I wasn't paying attention to the page when I tore it out and I happened to choose the first page in the I section. If you look closely, you'll see that just below the branch, idiot and idiotic are defined. This is not supposed to be some secret message or social commentary. I just wasn't paying attention. It does add a bit of humor, however, and that I appreciate.
The background chipboard is the front of a Ritz cracker box that I cut up. I put a piece of Bazzil black cardstock on the back just to frame it more.
Journaling: The first robin announces SPRING. Oh what a joyous time! Walking barefoot on the dewy grass, the smell of flowers.
I used MM paint, old dictionary page, gesso, Daisy D's paper, Bazzil cardstock, Distress ink, StazOn ink, BG stamps, AC pen, Scenic Route chipboard as a mask for my robin, Golden Pumice gel for the robin's texture. I also used colored pencils.
Here's a close-up of my flowers. I won't tell you how I did them here. I'm saving that cool technique for something amazing coming up in the very near future. (rubbing hands together...)
I used Golden Pumice Gel to do the bird because I wanted her to have some texture. Then after it had dried overnight, I painted her: first with gesso, then with off-white, then red (for the breast) then with light brown, then with a darker brown. I wanted her to look like a real bird with bits of colors peeking out. I'm not sure if I was totally successful, but this is the first time I've ever painted a bird.
Don't look too close at the dictionary page that I used on this project. I wasn't paying attention to the page when I tore it out and I happened to choose the first page in the I section. If you look closely, you'll see that just below the branch, idiot and idiotic are defined. This is not supposed to be some secret message or social commentary. I just wasn't paying attention. It does add a bit of humor, however, and that I appreciate.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Get Down Crazy Boy!
I made this layout for a contest at SisTv. The theme is SPRING GREEN. I immediately thought of the color spring green. You know, the color of the grass sprouting through the melting snow. It's kind of a limey green with a touch of yellow. The same color as the background paper (Luxe).
These pics of C climbing on the porta-grill (around 20 months) just fit with the color scheme. The kid climbs just about everything. So grateful he's still alive! I'm sure that I'm not the only mother of boys who has said that!
Journaling: Cameron is a climber. He will get up on anything: a rock, a tree, a bench, a chair, a grill (as in this case.) I just hope I can keep him alive until he's five. It seems as though I say the following phrase at least three times a day: GET DOWN CRAZY BOY!
Materials: all PP is Luxe, Hambly transparency, Scenic Route chipboard stars, Technique Tuesday stamps; MM brads and pain, Ranger paint (red); AC pen, staples; AC Thickers backed by Bazzil cardstock; StazOn ink; Uniball signo white pen; gesso; unknown manufacturer of the word stickers (they were a gift).
Here are a few close-ups. I outlined the American Craft's Thickers with Bazzil cardstock to help them pop a bit more. They kind-of got lost in the confusion before.
I did some masking and painting, stamping and blending to add color to the background. I used Scenic Route chipboard stars as my masks, then I used the painted star later in the layout. Love doing that!
Here's a close-up of the top bit 'o stuff. I added some MM brads to the Luxe polka dot paper to give it more texture. I like it. I think I'll do it again. You can also see that I outlined in a very messy fashion, the stars and such. Don't be afraid to get a little messy with your doodles. It works, I promise.
These pics of C climbing on the porta-grill (around 20 months) just fit with the color scheme. The kid climbs just about everything. So grateful he's still alive! I'm sure that I'm not the only mother of boys who has said that!
Journaling: Cameron is a climber. He will get up on anything: a rock, a tree, a bench, a chair, a grill (as in this case.) I just hope I can keep him alive until he's five. It seems as though I say the following phrase at least three times a day: GET DOWN CRAZY BOY!
Materials: all PP is Luxe, Hambly transparency, Scenic Route chipboard stars, Technique Tuesday stamps; MM brads and pain, Ranger paint (red); AC pen, staples; AC Thickers backed by Bazzil cardstock; StazOn ink; Uniball signo white pen; gesso; unknown manufacturer of the word stickers (they were a gift).
Here are a few close-ups. I outlined the American Craft's Thickers with Bazzil cardstock to help them pop a bit more. They kind-of got lost in the confusion before.
I did some masking and painting, stamping and blending to add color to the background. I used Scenic Route chipboard stars as my masks, then I used the painted star later in the layout. Love doing that!
Here's a close-up of the top bit 'o stuff. I added some MM brads to the Luxe polka dot paper to give it more texture. I like it. I think I'll do it again. You can also see that I outlined in a very messy fashion, the stars and such. Don't be afraid to get a little messy with your doodles. It works, I promise.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Writing Tutorial
I've had a few requests for a writing tutorial based on this layout.
The first thing to do is to set up the background. I started with the border. You can get the directions for that here.
Next, draw the horizontal straight lines. Use a ruler and a pencil to get your spacing. Then you can just freehand the actual line. This makes it look neat, but still like you just did it on a whim.
Then, draw the wavy lines between the horizontal lines.
If you look closely at the lettering, you will see that I mixed upper and lower case, but that each letter extends the entire space. This is the key to coolness.
Now, this is how I did the lettering.
1. I took my pencil and lightly wrote my word. Space the letters a bit farther apart than normal. This allows you to do the outlining.
2. Outline the pencil lines (see the red pen.)
3. Erase your pencil lines and voila! You've got your cool word! When you've done this awhile, you will be able to skip the pencil step and just draw outlined letters. That's when it gets really fun (and much faster!)
You can dress up your letters too. Add some stripes or dots or color them in if you'd like. The sky's the limit!
Have fun!
The first thing to do is to set up the background. I started with the border. You can get the directions for that here.
Next, draw the horizontal straight lines. Use a ruler and a pencil to get your spacing. Then you can just freehand the actual line. This makes it look neat, but still like you just did it on a whim.
Then, draw the wavy lines between the horizontal lines.
If you look closely at the lettering, you will see that I mixed upper and lower case, but that each letter extends the entire space. This is the key to coolness.
Now, this is how I did the lettering.
1. I took my pencil and lightly wrote my word. Space the letters a bit farther apart than normal. This allows you to do the outlining.
2. Outline the pencil lines (see the red pen.)
3. Erase your pencil lines and voila! You've got your cool word! When you've done this awhile, you will be able to skip the pencil step and just draw outlined letters. That's when it gets really fun (and much faster!)
You can dress up your letters too. Add some stripes or dots or color them in if you'd like. The sky's the limit!
Have fun!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Catching Up
This week has been a very productive time of catching up. Before the surgery, I had so much trouble moving around that the house, the yard, just about everything (except eating and occasionally combing my hair) was put on hold. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm able to resume my regularly scheduled programming. It feels great to be back again!
Because I'm so proud of my accomplishments this week, I'm going to tell you all about them so you can leave me a gushing comment about how wonderful I am. (giggle...)
1. I finished and filed our taxes. Yeah!
2. I did my knee exercises.
3. I gathered and organized all the medical bills for reimbursement. Whew!
4. I went to my LSS and got some new supplies by My Little Shoebox. Oh my goodness, their stuff is ADORABLE! Played last night with it!
5. I finished 2 LOs and 1 card for Luxe and submitted them for possible publication. Crossing fingers!
6. I did my knee exercises.
7. I washed the high-chair for baby Q. He can now sit on his own at dinner. (Instead of on my lap.)
8. I have a billion projects bouncing around in my head. Must get going on these!
9. I did my knee exercises.
10. I got my new fancy knee brace. I'll need to wear this for the next few months as my strength builds up. Because it is so big, I'm going to need to change my wardrobe to accommodate it.
11. Planning on making about 10 skirts for myself. (See #9)
12. Called multiple pigeon people to get estimates on taking care of our pigeon problem on our roof. (Yes, I believe in humane treatment of animals, but they need to nest somewhere else. A girl can only take so much poop. And with 2 diapered children, 2 dogs, 5 toilets...I'm just sayin'...)
13. Took C to the Dr. for an earache. Bummer.
14. Found out that knee problems are contagious. After my mother spent 3 weeks helping me rehabilitate, she went home and tore her meniscus...in her right knee...and will be going in for surgery on Monday. Seriously people. Is this really possible? All I have to say is stay away from me. Far far away. It's for your own safety.
15. I did my knee exercises.
16. I baked a cake for one of my bestest buds for her birthday.
17. I grocery shopped. Went to Costco and Wal-mart. Whew. Whew and Whew.
18. I kept 6 other people alive and fed for another week.
19. I did my knee exercises.
Now, I'm off to make those skirts. Have a wonderful weekend!
Because I'm so proud of my accomplishments this week, I'm going to tell you all about them so you can leave me a gushing comment about how wonderful I am. (giggle...)
1. I finished and filed our taxes. Yeah!
2. I did my knee exercises.
3. I gathered and organized all the medical bills for reimbursement. Whew!
4. I went to my LSS and got some new supplies by My Little Shoebox. Oh my goodness, their stuff is ADORABLE! Played last night with it!
5. I finished 2 LOs and 1 card for Luxe and submitted them for possible publication. Crossing fingers!
6. I did my knee exercises.
7. I washed the high-chair for baby Q. He can now sit on his own at dinner. (Instead of on my lap.)
8. I have a billion projects bouncing around in my head. Must get going on these!
9. I did my knee exercises.
10. I got my new fancy knee brace. I'll need to wear this for the next few months as my strength builds up. Because it is so big, I'm going to need to change my wardrobe to accommodate it.
11. Planning on making about 10 skirts for myself. (See #9)
12. Called multiple pigeon people to get estimates on taking care of our pigeon problem on our roof. (Yes, I believe in humane treatment of animals, but they need to nest somewhere else. A girl can only take so much poop. And with 2 diapered children, 2 dogs, 5 toilets...I'm just sayin'...)
13. Took C to the Dr. for an earache. Bummer.
14. Found out that knee problems are contagious. After my mother spent 3 weeks helping me rehabilitate, she went home and tore her meniscus...in her right knee...and will be going in for surgery on Monday. Seriously people. Is this really possible? All I have to say is stay away from me. Far far away. It's for your own safety.
15. I did my knee exercises.
16. I baked a cake for one of my bestest buds for her birthday.
17. I grocery shopped. Went to Costco and Wal-mart. Whew. Whew and Whew.
18. I kept 6 other people alive and fed for another week.
19. I did my knee exercises.
Now, I'm off to make those skirts. Have a wonderful weekend!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Mom! The Milk is Greeeeeen!
This was the first thing out of D's mouth when she sat down at the table this morning for breakfast.
Every year on St. Patrick's Day, the leprechauns come and turn our milk green. It is something that they did when I was a child and apparently, the same little men followed me to Arizona.
It is magical. As all things should be in childhood.
May your milk be magical today too. Have a wonderful St. Patrick's!
Every year on St. Patrick's Day, the leprechauns come and turn our milk green. It is something that they did when I was a child and apparently, the same little men followed me to Arizona.
It is magical. As all things should be in childhood.
May your milk be magical today too. Have a wonderful St. Patrick's!
Monday, March 16, 2009
ScrapMuse Boho Chic
Here are other layouts that I did for my guest position at Scrapmuse this month.
Lost is a page dedicated to D's first lost tooth. She lost it on her second day at her new school. It was a wonderful thing because she got one of those cool mini treasure boxes. (I've always wanted one of those...)
I took that wooden flower and used it as a mask for the painted flower on the right. Then I used that same flower (now pink) on the left. Lots of doodling here.
The next layout (B-gurl) is of my sister. She took this picture of herself in the car. Isn't she just the coolest thang?
Lots of cutwork on this layout. The title letters were a little too yellow for the design so I darkened them using black soot distress ink. The butterfly is 3D. I glued down the body and folded up the wings.
Do You Know is a whimsical layout of E when she was a little thing. (Because at 2 she's so much bigger, you know.)
I think that the poem in my journaling is really beautiful.
"Do you know what it is to be a child? It is to believe in love, to believe in loveliness, to believe in belief. It is to be so little that the elves can reach to whisper in your ear. It is to turn pumpkinss into coaches and mice into horses, lowliness into loftiness and nothing into everything." Frances Thompson
Here's a close-up of my tree that morphed into a flower later.
It was a lot of fun working with the DT at Scrapmuse. They are a great group of talented women!
Lost is a page dedicated to D's first lost tooth. She lost it on her second day at her new school. It was a wonderful thing because she got one of those cool mini treasure boxes. (I've always wanted one of those...)
I took that wooden flower and used it as a mask for the painted flower on the right. Then I used that same flower (now pink) on the left. Lots of doodling here.
The next layout (B-gurl) is of my sister. She took this picture of herself in the car. Isn't she just the coolest thang?
Lots of cutwork on this layout. The title letters were a little too yellow for the design so I darkened them using black soot distress ink. The butterfly is 3D. I glued down the body and folded up the wings.
Do You Know is a whimsical layout of E when she was a little thing. (Because at 2 she's so much bigger, you know.)
I think that the poem in my journaling is really beautiful.
"Do you know what it is to be a child? It is to believe in love, to believe in loveliness, to believe in belief. It is to be so little that the elves can reach to whisper in your ear. It is to turn pumpkinss into coaches and mice into horses, lowliness into loftiness and nothing into everything." Frances Thompson
Here's a close-up of my tree that morphed into a flower later.
It was a lot of fun working with the DT at Scrapmuse. They are a great group of talented women!
Friday, March 13, 2009
What I've Been Up To
Goodness me! Where has the week gone? I've been very neglectful of my blog lately and I've been missing it. I simply haven't had the time these last few weeks. Between the hours of physical therapy each day and my basic schedule (which is pretty demanding) I only had an itty-bitty amount of time to dedicate to myself. I had to make the choice between creating something and blogging. (I chose to create.) Things seem to be settling down now though. Routines are being re-established and I should have more time next week to catch-up.
I think I finished this page for my art journaling class. I may go back to add more doodles, but I'm not sure.
Since I did this for the Amp Up Textures lecture, I used Golden Pumice Gel (not the kind for your feet, silly...although...in a pinch, it might work...giggle) and a stencil to do the big five by the heart. I tried to get a good picture to show the texture for you.
Once it dried, I painted it with gesso and inked the edges with my distress pad.
The following close-up is of my journaling and text circles. I used a random circular toy to make marks in my initial background gesso. (That's what happens when certain somebodies leave their toys out around here...I use them in my art projects.) I punched the circles out of an old dictionary page, inked them with two shades of brown distress ink and placed them inside the dry gesso. The punched circles were slightly smaller so you can still kind-of see the gesso texture. (If you look very closely, put on those bifocals.) Once they were down, I outlined them with a charcoal pencil and a black colored pencil. I really like the effect. (Note to self: do this again.)
I am particularly happy with the way my bird turned out. I used a Scenic Route Chipboard bird as a template. The paper is Luxe. I doodled and used my colored pencils. (In my opinion, colored pencils are a way-underutilized tool in scrapping and such.) Seriously fun. (I'm planning on doing this same technique in my next scrapbook page. Love it!)
That flower is made of Tinkering Ink's Rip Strips and a Karen Foster jewel brad. The edges of the rip strips are frayed to add texture.
This was a fun section to complete. It came together thanks to stuff from a humongo package from my sweet friend Heidi (who is now the DT coordinator for GCD Studios! Congrats!) I just used a bunch of stuff and smooshed it all together. There is some Tinkering Ink, K&Co, (unsure of what those cool word stickers are), and the Pinocchio is from The Paper Studio. I like how Pinocchio looks like he's dancing.
I'm also using this page as part of the latest Creative Therapy Challenge. It is on something that you've always wanted to learn. Ever since I saw my first art journal, I've wanted to do one myself, but I was pretty intimidated until I took Dina's class. Now, I'm feeling like I can conquor the world! One page at a time...
There are a lot of different techniques that I used on this page, if you have any questions, please leave me a comment and I will try to explain what I did for you. Don't be shy! I love comments!
Oh, and I'm working on a little tutorial on lettering for you. I've had a few people on Scrapmuse ask me how I did the lettering on this page, and I'm hoping to have something up for you next week.
I think I finished this page for my art journaling class. I may go back to add more doodles, but I'm not sure.
Since I did this for the Amp Up Textures lecture, I used Golden Pumice Gel (not the kind for your feet, silly...although...in a pinch, it might work...giggle) and a stencil to do the big five by the heart. I tried to get a good picture to show the texture for you.
Once it dried, I painted it with gesso and inked the edges with my distress pad.
The following close-up is of my journaling and text circles. I used a random circular toy to make marks in my initial background gesso. (That's what happens when certain somebodies leave their toys out around here...I use them in my art projects.) I punched the circles out of an old dictionary page, inked them with two shades of brown distress ink and placed them inside the dry gesso. The punched circles were slightly smaller so you can still kind-of see the gesso texture. (If you look very closely, put on those bifocals.) Once they were down, I outlined them with a charcoal pencil and a black colored pencil. I really like the effect. (Note to self: do this again.)
I am particularly happy with the way my bird turned out. I used a Scenic Route Chipboard bird as a template. The paper is Luxe. I doodled and used my colored pencils. (In my opinion, colored pencils are a way-underutilized tool in scrapping and such.) Seriously fun. (I'm planning on doing this same technique in my next scrapbook page. Love it!)
That flower is made of Tinkering Ink's Rip Strips and a Karen Foster jewel brad. The edges of the rip strips are frayed to add texture.
This was a fun section to complete. It came together thanks to stuff from a humongo package from my sweet friend Heidi (who is now the DT coordinator for GCD Studios! Congrats!) I just used a bunch of stuff and smooshed it all together. There is some Tinkering Ink, K&Co, (unsure of what those cool word stickers are), and the Pinocchio is from The Paper Studio. I like how Pinocchio looks like he's dancing.
I'm also using this page as part of the latest Creative Therapy Challenge. It is on something that you've always wanted to learn. Ever since I saw my first art journal, I've wanted to do one myself, but I was pretty intimidated until I took Dina's class. Now, I'm feeling like I can conquor the world! One page at a time...
There are a lot of different techniques that I used on this page, if you have any questions, please leave me a comment and I will try to explain what I did for you. Don't be shy! I love comments!
Oh, and I'm working on a little tutorial on lettering for you. I've had a few people on Scrapmuse ask me how I did the lettering on this page, and I'm hoping to have something up for you next week.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
First Attempts
I'm taking an art journaling class right now and I thought that I'd share my very first pages. I'm not totally happy with the way they turned out, but like walking, art takes practice.
This is my very first page ever.
This is my second page. It began as a wipe-off place for extra paint from my stencils and brushes.
I did this for a challenge on Creative Therapy on something that you do for yourself everyday. My thing is solitude. Everyday I need some time alone in my studio to create or I get a little testy....just a little...okay, a lot.
I'm totally loving this new art form! I can't tell you how much I'm learning as I fiddle around, paint, spray inks and generally let all inhibitions fly away. It is really fun.
This is my very first page ever.
This is my second page. It began as a wipe-off place for extra paint from my stencils and brushes.
I did this for a challenge on Creative Therapy on something that you do for yourself everyday. My thing is solitude. Everyday I need some time alone in my studio to create or I get a little testy....just a little...okay, a lot.
I'm totally loving this new art form! I can't tell you how much I'm learning as I fiddle around, paint, spray inks and generally let all inhibitions fly away. It is really fun.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Scrapmuse
Hey all you kit lovers out there! I've found a fabulous kit club called Scrapmuse. Traci, the owner, puts together some really fabulous kits chock full of stuff. I was shocked when I opened my kit (oh, yeah, by the way, I'm guesting over there this month!) and pulled out paper after paper after paper for only $32.00. The March kit contains multiple embellies from etsy stores, Glitz and Rose Moka papers! Isn't this delightful?
This is the first layout that I did with the kit (right after knee surgery.) Yeah, it was a busy week!
These are pictures of my Dad loving with my sweet Z on vacation last summer. He was singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Zoey to her (hence the title).
Here are a few close-ups for you.
Do you see that red foiled Time Together rub-on? That was supposed to be straight, but by laying down one letter at a time and manipulating a bit, I was able to get it to wrap around my circle.
I cut out that bird from the Glitz paper, gave it more plumes and used it as an extra embellie.
This is the first layout that I did with the kit (right after knee surgery.) Yeah, it was a busy week!
These are pictures of my Dad loving with my sweet Z on vacation last summer. He was singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Zoey to her (hence the title).
Here are a few close-ups for you.
Do you see that red foiled Time Together rub-on? That was supposed to be straight, but by laying down one letter at a time and manipulating a bit, I was able to get it to wrap around my circle.
I cut out that bird from the Glitz paper, gave it more plumes and used it as an extra embellie.
Friday, March 6, 2009
An Angel
I haven't been posting much art lately because life has impeded my creative process, but I did finish this piece. I really experimented with paints for my background.
I am also experimenting with incorporating my sweeties' hands into my pages. Here I traced E's little hands and sewed around them to give them more texture.
That heart is electrical tape. It is pretty sticky stuff so it wasn't easy to cut out! Oh, and those circles are pieces of yarn left over from a rug making kit from ages ago. (No, I don't throw anything away, ever.)
Materials: gesso, MM paint, 7 Gypsies color wash, Basic Grey paper, Stampington art paper, American Crafts pens, dry wall tape, electrical tape, Ranger distress inks, Maya Road pink flower, Prima lace and white flower, vintage buttons, Heidi Swapp ghost shapes, Fashion Jewels
I am also experimenting with incorporating my sweeties' hands into my pages. Here I traced E's little hands and sewed around them to give them more texture.
That heart is electrical tape. It is pretty sticky stuff so it wasn't easy to cut out! Oh, and those circles are pieces of yarn left over from a rug making kit from ages ago. (No, I don't throw anything away, ever.)
Materials: gesso, MM paint, 7 Gypsies color wash, Basic Grey paper, Stampington art paper, American Crafts pens, dry wall tape, electrical tape, Ranger distress inks, Maya Road pink flower, Prima lace and white flower, vintage buttons, Heidi Swapp ghost shapes, Fashion Jewels
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Benched
I've had so many emotions bouncing around my head lately that it took me days to process them, sort them and put them in their proper spots.
I saw the Knee Man on Tuesday for my post-op visit and found out that I did indeed tear my entire ACL. I'm not exactly sure why I wasn't told this sooner, like ummm...a week ago when I had my surgery? Perhaps he figured I was too loopy to really understand, but his words hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly felt very broken. Like a beloved china doll dropped onto a hard floor. Of course, her mother will repair her. Carefully putting each jagged fragment in place. Holding them until the glue sets. But no matter how careful she is, that doll will show the consequences of that fall. She will forever have those tiny lines. Evidence of her tragedy. She will be different.
Yes, I can have my ACL replaced, but the therapy and the time required to heal from such a major endeavor is too great right now. It just isn't feasible. Being a mother to my sweet babies takes precedence. So, I will remain broken. I've been told by multiple orthopods that I will be able to perform all of my mothering functions without difficulty. I just can't play sports again because my knee is now too unstable. I've been officially benched. I wasn't planning on playing basketball again, but being told that I medically can't makes it harder for me. I'm in mourning. I'm sad for that athletic part of me that is now in retirement. Yes, there are plenty of other activities that I can do when I regain the strength in my knee, but I'm limited now. Like that china doll, I am forever scarred.
Yesterday, I felt as though that sadness might drown me. As I lay on my bed doing my endless physical therapy exercises while nursing Q, I was suffocating in self-pity. That was when my mom walked in, handed me a book and said, "I think you need to read this." At first, I was reluctant to open it. What could a book possibly do for me? But, I soon tired of my pitiful thoughts and opened it up to the first chapter. It was about a woman dying of Alzheimer's. Then I read a chapter about the author's step-father who, once diagnosed with cancer, lived only 37 days. The book is about living intentionally. Finding joy and happiness in moments.
Slowly, it dawned on me that my life isn't over just because I am scarred. I looked down at my sleeping baby with dimpled hands and I remembered. I remembered that I am strong. That I have a wonderful life filled with happiness and art and kisses and little love notes written by small fingers. I have a beautiful marriage, a loving home. I looked over at the balloons my sister brought me on the day of my surgery and I remembered that I am beloved. My sadness turned into gratitude and I knew that being broken doesn't matter at all. It just shows that I am alive. It shows that I have taken risks and sometimes fallen, but everytime getting back up. There is nothing wrong with having a few cracks repaired with superglue. It only makes me more interesting. I simply have a new story to tell.
So here's to new stories...may we all start writing....
I saw the Knee Man on Tuesday for my post-op visit and found out that I did indeed tear my entire ACL. I'm not exactly sure why I wasn't told this sooner, like ummm...a week ago when I had my surgery? Perhaps he figured I was too loopy to really understand, but his words hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly felt very broken. Like a beloved china doll dropped onto a hard floor. Of course, her mother will repair her. Carefully putting each jagged fragment in place. Holding them until the glue sets. But no matter how careful she is, that doll will show the consequences of that fall. She will forever have those tiny lines. Evidence of her tragedy. She will be different.
Yes, I can have my ACL replaced, but the therapy and the time required to heal from such a major endeavor is too great right now. It just isn't feasible. Being a mother to my sweet babies takes precedence. So, I will remain broken. I've been told by multiple orthopods that I will be able to perform all of my mothering functions without difficulty. I just can't play sports again because my knee is now too unstable. I've been officially benched. I wasn't planning on playing basketball again, but being told that I medically can't makes it harder for me. I'm in mourning. I'm sad for that athletic part of me that is now in retirement. Yes, there are plenty of other activities that I can do when I regain the strength in my knee, but I'm limited now. Like that china doll, I am forever scarred.
Yesterday, I felt as though that sadness might drown me. As I lay on my bed doing my endless physical therapy exercises while nursing Q, I was suffocating in self-pity. That was when my mom walked in, handed me a book and said, "I think you need to read this." At first, I was reluctant to open it. What could a book possibly do for me? But, I soon tired of my pitiful thoughts and opened it up to the first chapter. It was about a woman dying of Alzheimer's. Then I read a chapter about the author's step-father who, once diagnosed with cancer, lived only 37 days. The book is about living intentionally. Finding joy and happiness in moments.
Slowly, it dawned on me that my life isn't over just because I am scarred. I looked down at my sleeping baby with dimpled hands and I remembered. I remembered that I am strong. That I have a wonderful life filled with happiness and art and kisses and little love notes written by small fingers. I have a beautiful marriage, a loving home. I looked over at the balloons my sister brought me on the day of my surgery and I remembered that I am beloved. My sadness turned into gratitude and I knew that being broken doesn't matter at all. It just shows that I am alive. It shows that I have taken risks and sometimes fallen, but everytime getting back up. There is nothing wrong with having a few cracks repaired with superglue. It only makes me more interesting. I simply have a new story to tell.
So here's to new stories...may we all start writing....
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